August 8, 2015

Heavy August


FOR TODAY

Saturday, August 8th, 2015

Outside my window...

stars, 
thankful for a clear night sky


I am thankful...

for progress in healing,
progress in understanding,
progress in my relationships.

I am thankful that life is moving forward...even if I don't know where I am going.

In the kitchen...

Burgers for dinner,
Tea and chocolate for dessert

I am wearing...


knee length skirt with tank and mint green flip flops.
The shirt has black polka dots...of course.

I wore the baby most of the day too...babysitting for some dear neighbors.

I am hearing...

the hum of the fan coming from the girls room.

I am going...

to make ANOTHER big decision this month.
Pray for me.
Tis the season for decisions.

On my mind...

SO much.

My name is Laura Santos...not Mrs. Santos.

If you are over 18 years old, will you please call me Laura?
If you are over 25 years old, REALLY, stop already, you know who you are.

I am divorced.
Yuck. 
I hate that word.
I’m divorced after being separated for more than two years, 
or was it longer than that? 
My husband and I lived parallel lives for years.
This divorce is good.
It is evil.
It is freedom and peace, with intense pain and regret. 
It is the loss of death with the living still present in your life. 
The finality brings some stability. 
For years, I have been living crookedly, tilted to one side, walking my messy life with one leg, one arm, one eye, one ear.

Now, I am free to lean upon God fully, which, in a sense, I did before my divorce. 

Joy and comfort upon a marriage when a man and woman are equally yoked, both desiring to go the same direction, especially if that direction is God’s will.

I am reading...

not really.

I am hoping...

for my children...

peace, comfort, joy, wisdom.

I am remembering...

Sara. She has Parkinson's...and only a few weeks more on earth.

See?? I told you it was a heavy August.
Thank God, while it is heavy, I don't have to carry it.


I am watching and helping her in her last days.

It's a strange journey, going forward day by day with opposite pulls, the desire for the promise pulling against the love of what we touch and see with our flesh.

Even if we want to join one side in the pulling, we are not in control, Death wins eventually and on his own schedule.

Do we forget that Death will come for us all? 
It unites every race, class, creature.

Who is on the other end of the promise of heaven?
Is He real? What is He like?
Why does He want to be with me...forever? 
Do I want to be with Him...forever?

But also...

What about the judgement?
What will I be judged for?

Do you ever ask yourself these questions?

Around the house...

laundry to put away,
coloring books and gel pens (my new "thing")
essential oil bottles near the diffuser...kids have been sick.

One of my favorite things...

baby snuggles

 Plans for the rest of the month:

Order next year's school curriculum.

9th and 6th grade...Wow...I really am moving into a new season of life.

A quote to share...

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace."

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3 comments:

  1. Heavy August, certainly, and very good questions to ask yourself Laura, those who worship Jesus worship in Spirit and in Truth, we need to always be honest and search ourselves honestly if we truly are in the faith, or not, and if not, seek Him until we find Him, leaving everything else if need be, behind us. Let us carry that cross wholeheartedly every day knowing Jesus did that and so much more for us.

    Praying for Sara. True about death, it is an equalizer. I often ask "Am I ready to die? to meet Jesus face to face?" We will one day, in His time, I pray that I am a wise virgin.

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  2. Hi Susan, I recently heard a fantastic message on the ten virgins...I agree with you...hope I am one of the wise ones. Regular investment in our relationship with God is the key! Thanks for your comment. I recently sent a msg to you via facebook...did you get it? Was trying to become your "friend." :)

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    1. Oh, Laura, I didn't get it...I'll look again...my last name is Zyp, not very many of us ....and some with that name spell it Zijp because it is a Dutch name :)

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